


and a cat can slip indoors through multitudes of cracks

by earthandblood



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Animal Transformation, Cat!Phil, F/M, Humor, Phil's got cat class and he's got cat style, Simmons just wants to science all the time, Tags Are Hard, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Write ALL the Tropes, but cat!Phil really likes Skye, hand-wavy science, not really shippy, poor Fitz is allergic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 00:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1667297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earthandblood/pseuds/earthandblood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Coulson's a cat."</p><p>Simmons lifted her shoulders and frowned.  "Well, yes, technically but-"</p><p>"You turned him into a <em>cat</em>."</p>
            </blockquote>





	and a cat can slip indoors through multitudes of cracks

**Author's Note:**

> title from "alaska" by phish. set sometime between seasons 1 and 2 of agents of shield.
> 
> as stupid as this is, it's also probably my favorite thing i've ever written.
> 
> i'm so sorry.

"Coulson's a cat."

Simmons lifted her shoulders and frowned.  "Well, yes, technically but-"

"You turned him into a _cat_."

"I really think you're ignoring the research opportunity this situation presents," she trailed off as Skye's eyebrows started pulling up into her hairline.  Simmons had the decency to look chastened.

"I mean, slightly unfortunate situation.  Completely unfortunate, really.  Right well, I'll just get to work fixing Director Coulson's current...condition."

Both women turned to stare at the slim gray cat.  Coulson yawned, then started cleaning his face with his paw.

"You _can_ fix this, right?"

Simmons did that scoffing-laughing thing she always did when trying to bluff.  "Of course.  Honestly, Skye, this should be fairly simple to reverse."

Yep.  May was definitely going to kill them when she got back.

 

++

 

"You realize Coulson is going to kill the two of you when Simmons gets this fixed?" 

Skye nodded and tried really hard to look serious; the fact that Coulson was happily twining himself around and between May's legs wasn't helping.

"I am prepared to take responsibility for this, yes," Skye replied ( _even though this is totally Simmons' fault and hey didn't Simmons say this would be easy to fix?_ ).  "In fact, I should probably go and check on Simmons' science-y progress.  See how things are...progressing.  Scientifically."  May stared at Skye, expression still set on bored (or maybe, homicidal; it was hard to tell).

Coulson stopped his twining, looked up and meowed loudly. 

"Okay, okay I'm going.  Don't get your whiskers in twist.  Simmons is probably 'aha-ing' all over the lab as we speak"

 

++

 

"What do you mean you can't change him back?!"

"I said I can't change him back _today_.  It's just - I forgot that Fitz is terribly allergic to cats, and I need his help recalibrating the frequency modulator-"  Skye felt her eyes glaze over as Simmons continued to ramble on in SciTech-ese.

Thankfully (before Skye fell into a jargon coma) Coulson decided to quietly jump up onto the counter top.

"Oh, no Skye!  You have to get him out of here!  The lab is already contaminated with cat hair and dander; not to mention Fitz's nasal secretions he sneezed everywhere.  I'm going to have to completely scrub down the whole lab at this point."  Simmons made shoo-ing motions with her hands when he started batting at the cord plugged into her very expensive-looking microscope.

"Okay, one; never say 'Fitz's nasal secretions' ever again.  Because ew, gross.  And secondly," and _that_ earned her a hard glare from Dr. Simmons, PhD.  Skye sighed; she really couldn't win today.  "Alright, sir.  Hope you're a cat who likes to be picked up."

Hesitantly, Skye put one hand along Coulson's back; immediately he arched up against her hand, doing that pleased-cat thing cats tend to do ( _and_ _today has officially moved into the "too fucking weird" category,_ Skye thought as she gently placed the other hand along his belly).  Coulson didn't seem to mind, so she scooped him up, watching his little cat legs dangle in mid-air below her hand.

"Let's leave grumpy old Simmons to her work and find you something to eat, hmm?"

 

++

 

They hadn't even reached the kitchen when Coulson suddenly started squirming, making very demanding little noises at her. 

"Fine by me; it was starting to get weird carrying you around, sir.  Hey!-"  Skye watched him bolt forward and turn sharply to the left, disappearing through the open kitchen door.

_What the heck am I even supposed to feed you?  I'm pretty sure the Playground doesn't stay stocked up on catfood.  SHIELD probably frowns on pets in general.  
_

As she approached the door it hit her; _oooh, we have tuna._   Skye stood in the kitchen doorway, trying not to laugh at the sight that greeted her; Coulson, standing on a bar stool with tail held high and straight, was turning around in small circles and meowing insistently at Trip who looked like he was in the middle of making a tunafish sandwich.

"I take it this is the Director?"

"How'd you guess?"

"May told me," Trip said while grabbing a small plate.  He piled on a couple spoonfuls of tuna and nudged the plate towards Coulson who dove in happily, making little _nom-nom_ sounds as he ate.

Trip threw her a questioning look.  "Does he seem...happier than usual?"

"You noticed that too?  I think it's a cat thing.  You know, since cats don't tend to have shadowy pseudo-government agency directorship responsibilities."  Skye blinked.  "Wow, I'm super grateful for whoever created acronyms to describe multi-named things."

Coulson was still chowing down, ignoring the two other humans in the room because apparently tuna was just _the best thing ever_.

"Weeell," Skye drawled, "I think I'm going to go try to get some work done while our fearless leader is busy cleaning his plate.  Call me on the comms if anything changes?"

Trip nodded (his mouth full), waved his sandwich at her.  Tuna was still just _the best thing ever_ apparently to Coulson, who didn't even acknowledge her walking out the door.

 

++

 

Skye lost a few hours in a conference room working a financial trail of a few HYDRA buyers.  It was good, though; this is where Skye felt she did her best work, was most valuable in her role as _Agent_.

It also proved a nice distraction from worrying about Coulson.

She didn't want to think about what would happen if FitzSimmons couldn't reverse...whatever had happened.  If she thought about that, then the helplessness really started to set in; in this situation, she was pretty useless. 

Not like she could trawl the internet for advice.  Not like anyone would believe her anyways.

(to be fair, the world did seem to be getting stranger every day, and she was a part of that strangeness, so)

"Holy shit that was way more than a few hours," Skye exclaimed when she finally came up for air, the clock on her laptop clearly reading 11 PM.  Oh, ouch back hunched over for too long; she twisted in her seat, pulling her upper body up and around. 

Of course when she looked away her laptop would start making a stuttering beeping noise.  Skye stretched back around-

"Hey, no! Get off of my keyboard, Coulson!" 

He instead proceeded to sit down, all four legs tucked beneath him and Skye was struck with how much he looked like a little loaf of cat-shaped bread. 

The laptop continued to stutter and screech as a line of w's crawled across her screen.

Coulson stared at Skye. 

Skye stared at Coulson.

"Are you trying to tell me to go to bed?"

Coulson shifted, and the line of w's changed into 2's.

"Fine, you win this round _Director Meowson_."

 

++

 

It felt like she had just closed her eyes when something soft and furry landed gently on her neck, pulling her out of a dreamless sleep.  The soft blue backup lights illuminated Coulson, stretched out on his side, one small leg extended with paw touching her skin. 

He made a small rumbling noise at her.

Skye just looked at him in a sleepy daze; how did he even get in?  She was sure she closed the door; apparently becoming a cat just made Coulson's ninja powers more powerful than any of them could have imagined.

With a sigh she laid her head back down.  "Okay, but you have to go to sleep.  No walking all over the bed all night.  I need my sleep if I'm...going to provide FitzSimmons with the moral support they require to change you back."

Skye let her eyes slide shut, and that was when he tried to drape himself completely across her neck.

"Oh my god sir I can't handle this you are trying to _smother me_."  This was getting ridiculous; she should just toss him out and lock the door.

Of course, being Coulson he'd probably somehow be able to figure out how to unlock the door, even as a cat.

Her whole demeanor must have come off pretty annoyed because Coulson shifted down (with her prodding hands helping him along), resettled himself in the crook of her arm and rested his head on her elbow.  He closed his eyes and fell into sleeping stillness.

"Godamnit," Skye whispered.

 

++

 

Her alarm clock was screeching and Skye suddenly found herself halfway falling off her bunk.  A warm, strong arm caught her around the waist and pulled her up and against a warm, solid chest.

Skye's brain gave a blue screen of death.

"... _Skye?"_   Coulson's voice sounded strained, and panicked. 

She jerked one way and he let go and she tumbled to the floor in a heap.  Quickly scooting backwards across the floor until her back hit the door.

 _Ohohohoh don'tstaredon'tstare_ but it was sort of impossible; Coulson was sitting in her bunk bare chested (and most likely _naked_ and Skye just mentally punched herself in the face to stay in control), blanket clutched around his waist, staring at her with wide eyes.

Skye's brain finally rebooted, "Oh my god!"  She slapped her hands over her eyes.

There were two quick bangs above her head, then she was falling backwards as Trip flung the door wide open.

"Skye!  Are you- _oh_."  Trip very forcefully directed his gaze towards the ceiling.  "Director."

Coulson, having long ago (more like a minute ago) regained his composure, regarded Trip with a nod.

"Agent Triplett, could you get me a pair of pants and a t-shirt?  I seem to have misplaced mine."

Trip made an affirmative noise and vanished, not even offering to help Skye up.

_Well, alrighty then.  See if you get a Christmas card this year._

"I'll just...go and close the door since-"

" _Yes_.  That would be appreciated."

 

++

 

Skye made herself scarce while FitzSimmons poked, prodded, tested (and apologized profusely on Simmons' part) Coulson.  The morning had been awkward enough; he probably didn't need her standing around making weird faces because she was trying too hard to act normal around him.

So she set up a working base in the lounge, hacking through financial records and a tunafish sandwich. 

Things ( _really it's her_ ) just needed to calm down.

 

++

 

"I'm worried Simmons is never going to stop apologizing.  I'm also worried she might be a vampire based on the amount of blood samples she took."

Skye started at his voice, looked up to find him standing in the doorway watching her.

"She does tend to get distracted by all the science, huh?"

Coulson hmm'ed and looked her over, looked around her.

"So," Skye began, a little uncomfortable under a gaze she couldn't quite read, "were you...aware?  Do you remember?  Being a cat?"

"Bits and pieces.  I remember being _really_ interested in tuna."  She laughed, breaking the tension just a little.  Coulson's expression shifted just a little, a little more towards pleased (as pleased as Coulson usually let his expression get).

They let the conversation lapse for a couple minutes.

"Well, I'm just glad your back to normal sir.  Not that it totally sucked when you were a cat.  But," Skye gestured vaguely, "I like being able to actually talk to you."

He took a breath (and Skye found herself holding _hers_ ), looking like he wanted to say something.  With a tilt of his head though it was gone, and Director Coulson was firmly back in place.

"Get some sleep.  We've got an escapee from the Fridge to track down tomorrow."

Skye smiled at him and nodded.  _Back to normal_.

 


End file.
